Shutterbuggin’ With Sodapop

posted by Sodapop on Oct 14

If you’re never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances ~ Julia Soul

How true is that? I believe that if we don’t take chances, we lose out on all that this life has to offer. It reminds me of the Garth Brooks song, Standing Outside the Fire. I love that song (which I know I’ve mentioned here before). If we stand outside of that fire and we never jump in, we’ll never know all the wonderful things that are possible. Don’t ya think?

If I live my life in fear of being rejected or in fear of being hurt, I short change myself on all the possibilities that are open to me. I can be very shy and introverted at times and that’s when I’m feeling scared or hurt and don’t want to get hurt even more. I tend to be that way with my relationships with men mostly. My girlfriends rarely see that introverted, shy side of me. But put me around a man I’m interested in? OY VEY!

I’ve had so many issues with men in my life. Either from my own doing or from theirs, it’s amazing I keep trying. But again, I’m a firm believer that if I do not take a chance, I’ll never know. And I personally would rather have 30 minutes of happiness than a lifetime of misery. I heard something similar to that in a movie and it’s stuck with me for years.

Did I mention my arms hurt and they are bruised and scratched up. The left one is even a little swollen from climbing that brick wall yesterday. GAH! I won’t be doing that again anytime soon. Trust me on that

– Powered By Stuffr! –

posted by Sodapop on Oct 6

I’m tired.  I’m overwhelmed.  I’m still sick and I’m cranky.   I’m stressing out that I won’t get things done in time for the movers in 13 days.

Although I know I will get things done, as long as I do a little bit each day and focus on it.  I just feel crazy insane in the head right now and I know I need a meeting.   I’m glad I have my meeting tonight at the hospital cause I seriously need one.

This move is an awesome thing for me too do.  It’s too bad it’s so stressful and overwhelming LOL.   I’m afraid I’m going to forget something, leave something, break something, etc.  I just need to pray and let go and let God.

Wish me luck!

posted by Sodapop on Sep 29

I’m listening to LeAnn Rimes’ new song What I Cannot Change. I found it on Perez Hilton’s website, via Miss Monique.

It reminds me of the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Learning to accept the things I cannot change has been one of the most difficult things for me to do since going into Gambler’s Anonymous. I think it’s possible and I do it most of the time.

There is, occasionally, times when I can accept things and sometimes I just can’t wrap my brain around it.

I’m reading a book called The Lost Art of Compassion: Discovering the Practice of Happiness in the Meeting of Buddhism and Psychology. It’s written by Lorne Ladner, PH.D. It talks about how Dr. Ladner is trying to combine both psychology and Buddhism when treating his patients. He doesn’t try to convert is patients, he just tries to use the Buddhism views of compassion and acceptance in his treatment of them.

I think the art of compassion in any kind of science has been lost, yet Dr. Ladner is trying to bring it back. I think it’s incredible really. This is a very good book and whether you are Buddhist or not, you’ll get something out of this book.

I got off topic, sorry! Acceptance and compassion run hand in hand in my opinion and I think in order for us to feel compassion for others, we need to feel acceptance of others as well. Accepting something means turning the things we cannot change over to our Higher Power. Whether that is God, Buddha, or some other entity you believe in.

People, places and things have no control over me unless I give it to them. I find this incredibly freeing for the most part. There are certain times in my life when I have trouble accepting a situation I can not change (ie: the house thing) and it takes me a long time to just accept it for what it is and not try to change it. For months, I tried to change this situation. I tried to find a way out of it and I tried to find a way to “fix” it for my mom. In the long run, I found out that I could NOT change the situation.

In turn, I ended up with the choice of accepting it or continue stressing myself out, taking Lexapro and Ativan for depression and anxiety. I chose to accept it. I realized it was something I could not change and I strive daily to make sure I’m not holding onto grudges, resentments or the things I cannot change.

I have no idea if this post will make sense to anyone but me, but I had to write about what I was thinking. And since I have NO problem posting multiple times in a day…..

Until next time….

posted by Sodapop on Sep 21

Kindness and intelligence don’t always deliver us from the pitfalls and traps.
–Barbara Grizzuti Harrison

In GA, I’ve learned that in order for me to grow, I have to go through certain things. Whether they are hard times or good, I learn from them; eventually. I believe that through all parts of my life, I am offered exactly what my Higher Power wants me to have and to learn from.

As I continue doing the best that I can, getting through it one day at a time, I know there will always be some confusion and pain; anger and regret; happiness and sadness. During my most horrid, troubling times, I’ve come to learn that with patience, I can let go of all of my ills and trust my Higher Power to get me through the situation.

I’ve learned that God will never bring me to a place without walking me through that place. Whether light or dark, sad or happy, He is always with me and I am never alone.

Today’s thought for the day brought to you by Hazelden. Hazelden is my favorite place to read about my recovery and the recovery of others. It gives great inspiration to many.

For my 12 Steppin’ brothers and sisters:

Keep coming back, it gets better and more will be revealed.

posted by Sodapop on Sep 16

We learn from others in Gambler’s Anonymous that the best way to deal with painful situations is to meet them head on, to deal with them honestly and realistically, and to try to learn from them and use them as springboards for growth. Through the GA program and our contact with a Higher Power, we can find the courage to use pain for triumphant growth.

Will I believe that whatever pain I experience is a small price to pay for the joy of becoming the person I was meant to become?

Today I pray:

May my Higher Power give me the courage I need to stop running away from painful situations. If I once gambled as an escape hatch from pain, may I be very aware that gambling itself became the pain, from which there was no escape until I found the GA program. Now, may I face pain - past and present - and learn from it.

Today I will Remember

Gambling: first a trap door, then a trap.

Taken from the Gambler’s Anonymous A Day At A Time book

posted by Sodapop on Sep 8

I posted this over at The Soda Stand and wanted to share it here as well.  It’s a great reminder of how my Higher Power works in my life.

Things always happen for a reason, don’t ya think?   I was sitting here at home earlier, not wanting to go to the meeting that I chair every Saturday night at 6pm.   I just wasn’t “feeling it.”  I was chatting with someone on IM and I just didn’t want to leave.  I also had a headache earlier and I was ready to use that as an excuse to not go.

The guilt consumed me and I decided to go anyway.  I’ve learned over the last 6 years that when I don’t WANT to go to a meeting, I better hightail my ass to one as soon as fucking possible.  The meetings are what keeps me sane.  The meetings keep me out of casinos.  So I slowly dragged my ass out of the house and into my car.

Things were conspiring against me getting there on time.  Traffic sucked ass between here and the Rainbow off ramp of 95.   I realized I had less than a quarter tank of gas, so I had to stop and fill up the gas guzzler.

I called my partner (the person who helps me chair) and let her know I was running late.  Turns out she was sick, so I called her husband; who was going to the run the meeting with me.   I finally make it to the hospital, where the meeting is held at 5:58.  The meeting starts at 6pm.  OY!!!

I get in my chair in front of the room of 20 people.  SG lets me know that we have two brand new members.  One lady was in her early 50’s maybe and the other girl closer to my age, maybe early 30’s or late 20’s.

It was such a phenomenal meeting.  There was a lot of recovery and a lot of the disease in the room.   The younger girl and I connected very quickly and I let her know she can call me anytime, whenever she needs too.

The new members are what keeps this program alive.  They remind me of how it used to be.  They remind me of where I don’t want to go back too.   It was an awesome meeting!

There was a reason I felt guilt about wanting to not go.  There was a reason I ended up dragging my ass to the other side of the universe.  It was so that I could share my experience, strength and hope with two women who felt lost.   Two women who were feeling exactly the way I felt 6 years ago on July 30.  Like I belonged and I had nowhere else to turn and no one else to talk too.  It’s a beautiful journey that I’m on in this recovery thing and I will be forever grateful for it.

Until next time…

posted by Sodapop on Sep 6

Every now and then, I need a little online recovery, ya know? So I head on over to Hazelden and I get it. Below is the reading for today and the credits for who wrote each part of it. I hope it helps you the way it has helped me.

Take care of yourself my darling
And I’ll take care of me
Live your loneliness knowing
That we can both be free.
–Mary Lee George

Loneliness is something inside us. It’s not caused by other people’s behavior, though what others do may let us know we are feeling lonely. We have all experienced being alone and really enjoying it- walking by the river or singing a song we like. Feeling lonely is when we feel like nobody cares about us or wants to be with us.

Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to feel lonely and know that we are okay no matter what we are feeling. Other times it may be wise to check with others if our feelings are true. We can ask our mother if she cares about us or ask a friend if he wants to play, and be open to the answer. When we feel lonely, we often ignore what others do or say that doesn’t agree with what we believe to be true. The important thing to remember is that we are okay no matter what choice we make.

When I feel lonely, what can I do about it?

From Today’s Gift: Daily Meditations for Families ©1985, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.

p.s.  This was not a sponsored post for the website of Hazelden.  This is just me sharing my experience, strength and hope with those who may need it.   kthxbai

posted by Sodapop on Sep 2

My Virtual Model
This is my virtual model. Isn’t she cute?

My boobs really are that big and “out there” when I wear the right kind of top/blouse.

I did my speaker meeting tonight. It went very well, even after my feelings were extremely hurt by the fact none of my friends showed up for it.

There were some newer members in there who told me I was quite inspirational to them. That made me feel good about the experience, strength and hope I still have within me. You have to give it away to keep any of it.

I’m about to watch the last episode of season one of Heroes. I’ve done nothing but watch this show all weekend. And I’m OK with that. Seriously.

Until next time….

posted by Sodapop on Aug 30

Keeping with the many themes of this blog, I’m going to list the 12 Steps of Recovery.  Every 12 Step Program has these in one form or another.  Alcoholics Anonymous started the 12 Steps.   Gambler’s Anonymous took those 12 Steps and made them work.

1.  Admitted we were powerless over gamlbing - that our lives had become unamanageable.

2.  Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to a normal way of thinking and living.

3.  Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this Power of our own understanding.

4.  Made a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory of ourselves.

5.  Admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6.  Were entirely ready to have these defects of character removed.

7.  Humbly asked God (of our understanding) to remove our shortcomings.

8.  Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

9.  Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10.   Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11.  Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12.  Having made an effort to practice these principles in all our affairs, we tried to carry this message to other compulsive gamblers.

And here’s the history of Gambler’s Anonymous.

The fellowship of Gamblers Anonymous is the outgrowth of a chance meeting between two men during the month of January in 1957. These men had a truly baffling history of trouble and misery due to an obsession to gamble. They began to meet regularly and as the months passed neither had returned to gambling.

They concluded from their discussions that in order to prevent a relapse it was necessary to bring about certain character changes within themselves. In order to accomplish this, they used for a guide certain spiritual principles which had been utilized by thousands of people who were recovering from other compulsive addictions. The word spiritual can be said to describe those characteristics of the human mind that represent the highest and finest qualities such as kindness, generosity, honesty and humility. Also, in order to maintain their own abstinence they felt that it was vitally important that they carry the message of hope to other compulsive gamblers.

As a result of favorable publicity by a prominent newspaper columnist and TV commentator, the first group meeting of Gamblers Anonymous was held on Friday, September 13, 1957, in Los Angeles, California. Since that time, the fellowship has grown steadily and groups are flourishing throughout the world.