Shutterbuggin’ With Sodapop

posted by Sodapop on Jan 30

I started this blog for several reasons.  I wanted to a) show you my pictures b) talk about my recovery and c) do sponsored posts.   I’m doing a and c, but I’ve not really done b.

I’m considering starting a new blog, a third blog for the recovery thing and keep this one for the pictures, sponsored posts and whatever else I want to talk about.   I’m going to do some thinking and make a decision in the next few weeks.

One of my things on my bucket list is to write a book about the recovery journey I’ve been on for the last 6.5 years.   I think a blog would help me accomplish that, in that I could make it a topic blog and ONLY talk about that one subject, and then put it into book form in a year or so.

I’m still thinking about this and will decide later.

My financial situation has not changed.  I do have to say though, I’m getting a small refund from the IRS so that will help with a car payment and the car insurance payment for a month.   This relieves me quite a bit.

I had emailed the recruiter on Monday, telling her to put my resume in for an Admin spot I saw on their website.  Of course, I have not heard from her.   Have I mentioned I fucking hate her?

Until next time….

posted by Sodapop on Jan 28

It’s only through the Grace of God that I’m here tonight.  Without His Grace, I would be lost and not know who I am.

I know who I am.  I know what I stand for.  Yet, all these bad things are happening to me.  Some of them quite small and insignificant.  Some of them are huge and seemingly impossible to scale and get through.

I sometimes sit and think, what bad deed or misdeed is this Karma for?  I have a tumultuous past, which I have made no secret of.   I have made most of my amends that need to be made.  I don’t understand.   I’ve forgiven myself, I’ve given my life and belief over to a Power greater than myself.

I pray every day.  I do the next right thing everyday.   I’m at a loss as to why some bad shit happens to good people.  Or at least to people who are trying to be good and who have improved their lives.   I see it all the time.  I see bad things happen to good people.  I used to look at those situations and think “thank GOD it’s not me.”

Since I moved to the Ville, I have had quite a few bad things happen to me.  And I look at myself in the mirror and think “what’s my part in this?”  Am I doing the next right thing?  Am I doing what I need to do to make sure I’m not hurting anyone today?  Did I help someone today?  Did I work my 12th step?  Did I find my conscious contact with God, of my understanding, today?

Most days, I answer yes to all of those questions and then days like today happen and I don’t want to do shit.  I don’t want to work the program.  I don’t want to think in a recovery way.  I want to hide and run and self destruct.   I want to hurt myself.  I want to blame myself for any bad thing that has happened to me.  It’s pathetic some days.

I went to a meeting tonight and shared my fears.  I shared my anguish and I cried.  I practically sobbed.  It felt good.  It felt right to share that.   I do not, however, feel better now than I did when I walked into that meeting.  This rarely happens.  Normally when I’m feeling all buggy and shit, I go to a meeting and I feel 10 times better.  That did not happen tonight.  I don’t feel any better.   I don’t feel any worse, but I don’t feel better.

I will just keep sharing what I’m feeling and share from my heart.   I’ll just keep going to meetings and talking to my sponsor.

This is my journey in growth and recovery.   This is my journey that has no end until the Good Lord takes me home.

Until next time…

posted by Sodapop on Jan 28

I wasted gas today driving to meet the Boss Lady at one of the buildings.   I could have just called the Building Manager to get my answers, yet she wanted me to meet her.  Ugh.  Owell.  I’m home now, working on this manual that I’m getting tired of and hoping I hear something about a full time job.    I wish this part time gig was a full time one, I wouldn’t have to worry about finding a full time job.  But alas, this will have to do until I do find a full time spot.

I was thinking about the real estate agent who helped my mom and I when we were trying to sell our house in Vegas. I miss her.

I guess I better get back to this manual. Otherwise I’ll lose all enthusiasm for it. Seriously.

posted by Sodapop on Jan 26

I woke up this morning feeling a little better than I felt yesterday. Which, to me, is a good thing. I’m still quite homesick and sad, but not as much as yesterday after watching those videos of the Monte Carlo fire.

Sometimes, my emotions get so out of whack, I wonder if I’m on a progesterone only hormone pill again. Shortly before having my hysterectomy in October of 06, my doctor tried me on those pills to see if it helped my problems. It didn’t. It only worked in making me feel like I was losing my mind, mood swings were worse than normal. Yuck.

I mentioned on The Soda Stand this morning that I’ve decided I need a contingency plan.  Just in case I do not find a full time job, I need to decide what I’m going to do.  This part time job is great in the fact it gets me out of the house, it gets me thinking and it utilizes my experience in different ways.   However, if I do not get a full time job soon, my money will STILL run out and then I’ll be screwed.   I will need to find a different place to live cause I wouldn’t be able to afford this place, I would have to move.  YUCK!  In the next week I’ll be working on that contingency plan, while still job hunting for a full time job.  Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, right?

Until next time…

posted by Sodapop on Jan 25

I was watching the coverage of the hotel fire in Las Vegas today and it made me so homesick, I started looking at hotels in Vegas. And then I realized that I know so many people there, I wouldn’t need that website. However, if I ever want to just have my own space when I do go home to visit, I’ll utilize it.

I’ve made a promise to myself that I will talk about how I feel when I feel it.  I’m currently horribly sad and homesick.  I’ve been feeling homesick for awhile, I just had not really talked about it a lot until today. 

I miss the familiar surroundings I had when I was in Las Vegas.  I miss my friends.  I miss my job.  I miss my GA meetings.  I miss the night skyline of the strip.   I miss the view of the whole valley lit up at night when I’m driving around on the 215 that goes in a semi circle around the whole place.   I miss watching the planes from where I work, they seemed so close I could touch them.   I miss walking to the other side of the office building and talking to my co-worker, MB.  

I miss my old boss, who was more like a brother to me than a boss, really.   I miss his laughter, his sense of humor and I miss my best friend TB.   I miss my best friend KP and his wife LP.   I miss the coffee date with the guys at South Central.  I miss my CSA’s.  I miss Metro.   I do not, however, miss the drama that goes with it.  Nor do I miss the weather.

I keep trying to remind myself why I left Las Vegas and some days it’s easier than others.  Some days I can snap to attention and list all the reasons I left in my head without a second thought.   And then on other days, like today, I find it hard to find anything wrong with Las Vegas and can’t snap myself out of the funk as quickly.

Until next tme…

posted by Sodapop on Jan 25

I’m in a funk.  I wonder if I’m having sympathy PMS for all my friends who still get PMS.  Ugh I just feel blah, blah and more blah.

I worked for 3.5 hours today at one of the building sites.  Actually I walked around following Boss Lady from suite to suite and then over to the other building and back again.  We took the stairs 20 million fucking times and then took them again in the other building.

I’m going to do nothing tonight but relax on my couch and maybe play the Wii.  We’ll see how I’m feeling.   I just want to veg.  I don’t want to move, I don’t want to think.

kthxbai

posted by Sodapop on Jan 25

I’ve wondered for years what it would be like to live or vacation in Florida. I love beach communities and I love me some Disney.

I found a website that specializes in Florida villas for sale in the Orlando area. How cool would it be to live close to Disney World? Then again, I’m sure as a resident, some people don’t enjoy that. I know I would enjoy it at least for the first year or so.

Bardell Real Estate also offers villas for rent, so if you just want to vacation in the area, they can help you with that too!

They have some really cute 3-4 bedroom villas for rent over on this site that are just cute as buttons. I really like the lay out of some of them.

– Powered By Stuffr! –

posted by Sodapop on Jan 25

Here is Miss Josie sitting on the couch that wouldn’t fit in this apartment.   I miss that couch.

I love my girls.   Here is Chloe sitting on the couch that I miss oh so much.

posted by Sodapop on Jan 24

I wonder how comfortable discount home theater seating would actually be? Maybe one day I’ll find out!

I’m taking a quick 30 minute break from working for some lunch, internet cruising and game playing. I may even do some bowling on the Wii, we’ll see how I feel after I’m done eating this sandwich.

I turned the TV off, finally, cause it was distracting me from work. I think Las Vegas was on and Josh Duhammel is extremely distracting for me LOL I forced myself to shut it off and turn on the iTunes. Now I’m listening to some of my favorite music and I’m feeling good.

Until next time…

posted by Sodapop on Jan 24

I didn’t sleep well.  I had a case of insomnia last night that was horrible.   Was up til sometime between 2 and 3 am, fell asleep on the couch.  Woke up at 6 went to my bed and tossed and turned for 3.5 more hours.  My mind is foggy.

I have a fuckton of work to do today and my mind is just not cooperating with me.  Going to start working soon to see if I can clear the cobwebs.

I have a bunch of shit to do around the apartment.  I need to do some GA stuff regarding the mini convention and I need to walk my girls.  I’m not feeling any of it.

I just want to lay on the couch all day and watch TV.  I want to do crosswords all day while I lay on the couch and watch TV.   I don’t even feel like playing the Wii, but I’m sure that will change later.

I’m confused by the behavior of some people, especially men.   I must accept that I will never wrap my brain around the way some people act and think. 

I’m looking forward to warmer weather.  I’ve never been so cold in my life since I moved here.  I’m slowly getting used to it though.

I’m going to go find something to eat now.

Until next time….